TEASER
FADE IN:
1 EXT. WATCHERS COUNCIL - LONDON - NIGHT 1
The building towers above anything else in the vicinity. In
the streets below cars drive up and down the road, with
mostly black cabs being all we see.
2 INT. COUNCIL - CORRIDORS 2
GILES is standing in the corridor, looking through a glass
window into another room.
The camera slowly pans and we see BUFFY is sitting on a bed,
being tested by a DOCTOR. But our Slayer seems more distant
than she has ever been. The door opens and MARIE walks out,
turning to Giles, passing some files to him.
GILES
How is she?
MARIE
She is more responsive. Her
reflexes are a little slow but it
is to be expected.
GILES
She's been through a lot.
MARIE
Yes. She has. Being comatose for
three months is quite a chore.
GILES
Waking from it and discovering your
life for the past three months has
been a lie is even worse.
MARIE
You shouldn't let this distract
you, Rupert.
GILES
(snaps)
Distract me?
Marie almost jumps back, unnerved by his outburst.
MARIE
I just mean... you are head of the
Watchers Council. Other people need
you as well.
GILES
They can wait. Postpone everything,
just like you have done all week.
MARIE
But, Rupert --
GILES
Enough. I will be taking leave
until my Slayer is... until Buffy
is on her feet.
MARIE
With all due respect, that could be
a long time.
GILES
Then it'll be a long time before
I'm back as Head Watcher.
Marie nods, not saying another word. He passes the files back
to her as she walks away. Giles pushes the door --
3 INT. COUNCIL - EXAMINATION ROOM 3
-- and enters the medical bay. He looks to the Doctor who
beams an assuring smile.
DOCTOR
She is improving, sir. Another week
and she will be tip top.
GILES
Fine.
(beat)
You're excused.
The Doctor obeys his command and quickly EXITS. Giles slowly
approaches Buffy, who doesn't look at him.
GILES (cont'd)
Buffy, I must say it is good to see
you out of the white room. I was
starting to worry that the other
Watchers might make you pay rent.
He sees she isn't amused at his attempt at a little humor. He
sits beside her on the bed.
GILES (cont'd)
I know this is hard for you, Buffy.
You were lost in a world where Dawn
didn't exist, and you were happy
with the knowledge that she didn't
die. That, everything you did last
year, resulted in good.
(beat)
But sooner or later, that lie would
have consumed you. And you knew
that. Even in this fabricated
reality, you sought the truth.
Buffy snaps her head to him, a tear visible in her eye. But
still, she says nothing.
GILES (cont'd)
Buffy, Dawn is dead.
BUFFY
I know.
Giles turns to her.
GILES
Good. Because if you ignore that,
you cannot move on.
He wraps an arm around her but she just continues to stare
ahead, as if not even seeing him.
GILES (cont'd)
You should eat something. Build up
your strength.
BUFFY
(distracted)
Because a weak Slayer is a useless
Slayer.
GILES
(concerned)
Yes, well... we should get you some
food then.
Buffy nods as Giles goes to the door. He looks back to see
she hasn't moved an inch. She finally turns to him, coming
out of her trance.
BUFFY
Giles?
GILES
Yes, Buffy. It's me.
She looks down at herself and almost chokes on a tear. She
quickly regains herself and follows him to the door.
4 INT. COUNCIL - CORRIDORS 4
Giles leads Buffy out where they come to the Doctor, who has
been watching.
GILES
Would you please take Buffy to the
cafeteria.
DOCTOR
Right away.
(to Buffy)
This way, Ms Summers.
Buffy looks back to Giles as he nods, letting her know it's
safe to go. Buffy and the Doctor then head off down the
corridor. Giles pulls out his CELL PHONE and dials.
GILES
(into phone)
Willow, is that you?
5 INT. SUMMERS RESIDENCE - LOUNGE - DAY 5
WILLOW is on the phone, which she takes out of the room as
XANDER and ANYA come through in mid-conversation.
WILLOW (O.S)
It's me, Giles, go ahead.
ANYA
I didn't mean that, Xander. Why
would I turn you into a midget
anyway? I hate midgets!
XANDER
Well, gee, An, I don't know. Why
would you turn one of your ex's
into a troll?
ANYA
He cheated on me! You only went out
for one night and didn't invite me.
XANDER
Wait, so now it's not a big deal?
ANYA
No! I mean, yes! I mean...
(sees)
Ooh, cartoons!
She quickly takes a seat on the sofa and watches the TV.
Xander sighs, seeing ANDREW enter.
ANDREW
Uh, is the war zone neutralized yet
cos the original Star Wars is on
and I can't record it cos the dog
chewed up all my blank tapes.
And on that note, DOODLES, Willow's dog, comes running
through with MR. GORDO (which some of you might remember as
Buffy's stuffed pig) in his mouth.
XANDER
Bad dog!
Xander gives chase.
ANDREW
Anya, we have to turn it over.
ANYA
I'm watching Daffy.
ANDREW
(whimpers)
But... Star Wars.
ANYA
Andrew, it's not just a myth that
some pregnant women hunt men down
to cut off their penis' in hopes of
fulfilling vengeance.
Andrew's jaw drops in horror.
ANYA (cont'd)
Now you think about that while
you're getting me a jar of gherkins
and honey.
She motions for Andrew to obey her but as he stands, Willow
comes back through, setting the phone down, just as Xander
appears with Mr. Gordo.
WILLOW
I've got news.
ANYA
I'm going to die!
WILLOW
No.
ANYA
Oh... hormones.
Everyone exchanges a look. Does that justify it?
WILLOW
Buffy's awake.
XANDER
Oh God, is she okay? I mean, what
did Giles say? Did he say she was
okay? Did he?
6 INT. COUNCIL - CAFETERIA 6
The camera swoops down from the ceiling and zooms in on
Buffy, who's sitting alone by the window, having not touched
a thing on her plate. She GLARES into the darkness outside
the window.
WILLOW (V.O)
Giles said she was distant... that
she hasn't seemed like she's really
here.
Zoom in closer to fit her sullen expression.
WILLOW (V.O) (cont'd)
He doesn't know if we'll really
ever get her back.
BLACK OUT.
END OF TEASER
ACT ONE
FADE IN:
7 EXT. COUNCIL - BUFFY'S BALCONY - NIGHT 7
Buffy is standing on the balcony, overlooking the city of
London below. She's staring at the nightlife, people walking,
cars driving... normality.
BUFFY (V.O)
Dawn. I know you're not in the
place where you can forgive him for
what happened but you've got to
realise that without Mom, he's the
only parent we have.
DAWN (V.O)
I got you.
The Slayer closes her eyes, fighting back a tear. She turns
and sees Giles come out to the balcony.
GILES
It's been a long day for you.
BUFFY
I suppose.
GILES
(beat)
You'll get through this, Buffy.
You're strong.
Buffy raises a brow, as if to question that statement.
GILES (cont'd)
And I'll always be here to help
you, in any way I can. Just tell me
how.
BUFFY
I guess... I could use another
pillow.
Giles turns to her, confused.
BUFFY(cont'd)
It's hard to sleep.
GILES
(nods)
I was thinking that maybe I should
refer you to the counselor. We have
one here, he's probably the best in
the country.
BUFFY
I used to be a counselor.
GILES
You still can be, Buffy. Your life
isn't over. It doesn't have to end
with...
BUFFY
(continuing)
I had a job, a home, a sister that
loved me.
GILES
Yes, you did. But, Buffy --
BUFFY
Giles, you don't understand. You
could never understand.
GILES
(beat)
I lost Jenny.
She turns to him, almost in rage.
BUFFY
That doesn't compare!
GILES
No. I don't suppose it does. But I
loved her and I never had the
chance to tell her that.
(beat)
You did. Dawn knew how you felt.
And she --
BUFFY
She was gone. All that time and I
didn't even know some demon had
taken control of her. What kind of
a sister wouldn't notice something
like that?
Giles goes to speak but she cuts him off.
BUFFY (cont'd)
I was so wrapped up in my own life
that I failed to notice hers
slipping away. Giles, she was dying
and I was... I was with Jackson.
(beat)
Even when we knew, I fooled myself
into thinking it was still Dawn,
that she was still inside. And it
wasn't because I wanted her so...
it was because I couldn't bear the
thought that I had let her down.
GILES
If you blame yourself for not
noticing than we are all to blame.
Nobody saw this coming, Buffy.
BUFFY
Jackson did. I'm guessing he didn't
know the full scale but he tried to
kill Dawn before any of this
happened.
(somber)
I should have let him.
Giles closes his eyes, thinking this over. He rests a hand on
her shoulder but she pulls away.
BUFFY (cont'd)
So what happens now? Do I go back
to Cleveland, get over it, get on
with my life?
GILES
That's up to you.
BUFFY
I can't. I can't ever go back
there.
She leaves the balcony and goes into her room. Giles takes a
deep breath before following.
8 INT. COUNCIL - BUFFY'S ROOM 8
Buffy rests her head in her hands as Giles enters.
GILES
Buffy, I know that's how you feel
now but trust me when I say --
BUFFY
There's nothing you can say that
will make this better, Giles.
Believe me, I wish there was but
I... I can't pretend this never
happened.
(teary)
When she died... when those bullets
ripped her apart, I wanted to be
dead too. Dawn was the only reason
I got so far. Without her, what am
I?
GILES
You're still Buffy Summers.
BUFFY
When I got that job at Charleston
and Smithe, you know what I
thought? I didn't think, 'this is
gonna be great for my future' or
'this is really gonna settle the
bills and we won't have to worry
about money anymore.'
(beat)
I thought, finally, Dawn's gonna be
proud of me. I'm not the older
sister who flips burgers for a
living, or the sister who hangs in
cemeteries all the time. I had a
real purpose, besides slaying, and
I knew she was proud of me. I could
feel it.
(beat)
And that was the happiest time of
my life. My sister was proud of me
and I was something.
(beat)
What am I if I don't have that
feeling? What's the point in
working, or slaying, or...
GILES
Living?
Buffy turns to him, her eyes welling up.
BUFFY
These past eight years I've done
nothing but fight. I killed Angel
to save this world. I embraced the
slaying and lost Riley.
(beat)
I gave my life for the cause and
was ripped out of heaven, where I
was happy. Sometimes I wish I had
never been brought back...
sometimes...
(sullen)
Everything I've loved has been
taken away from me. Angel, Riley,
Mom, Dawn... I've lost so much
because I'm the Slayer and I can't
help but wish I would just die.
(crying)
I want it to end, Giles. Please.
Make it stop. Please make it stop.
Giles watches on as Buffy slides down the wall, covering her
tears from him.
9 INT. SUMMERS RESIDENCE - WILLOW'S ROOM - DAY 9
Willow is sitting on the bed, legs crossed, arms by her side.
There's a KNOCK at the door. She opens her eyes to see Xander
standing on the threshold.
WILLOW
Hey.
XANDER
What you doing?
WILLOW
I was... with the Circle.
Xander looks around, a little confused.
WILLOW (cont'd)
Astral projection... kind of. It's
hard to explain.
XANDER
So you're really going ahead with
this?
WILLOW
With what?
XANDER
Working your way up. Ascending.
(beat)
It's hard to think that one of
these days you won't be around
anymore.
WILLOW
Xander. I'll always be with you, no
matter where I am.
XANDER
I know. I guess, but I want you
here, like, so I can touch you. I'd
never even thought that you and I
wouldn't be together. I guess I
always figured we'd grow old and
bitter together. Like my parents.
WILLOW
I did too. But this, it's like
everything I've done before is for
something bigger, you know? That
it's not just some hobby or...
(beat)
It kinda makes it better to think
of some of the bad things I've
done.
XANDER
(thinks)
Warren?
WILLOW
It's horrible to think that killing
him was the right thing to do, but
if I'm gonna ascend one day, then
it means it wasn't evil... that I'm
not evil.
XANDER
Will, you could never be evil.
(off her look)
Or, okay, so you went evil for a
couple of days. No big. We've all
been there.
WILLOW
Not you.
XANDER
No doubt I'll have my time to kick
your butts.
(beat)
I might even get a cape.
WILLOW
(smiles)
Or a utility belt.
XANDER
And I should have a symbol. Maybe
just an "X."
Willow smiles again as he takes a seat next to her on the
bed. But her expression turns serious.
WILLOW
Sometimes when I think about
ascending, I think, maybe I'll have
a chance to see... maybe I could
contact some people.
XANDER
Tara?
WILLOW
And Kennedy.
(beat)
I don't know. My mind seems to be
all over the place.
Xander nods, knowing how she feels.
XANDER
I miss Dawn. Sometimes when I come
here I expect to see her looking
over some books... I remember the
way she'd look at me. So warm...
caring.
WILLOW
Out of everyone here, you were the
one she respected the most.
XANDER
You don't know that.
WILLOW
Oh, I do. On the verge of higher
being-ness remember.
XANDER
(beat)
I just wish Buffy was here.
WILLOW
Me too. We'll get her back. There's
nothing we can't face if we're
together, right?
Xander smiles as she places her hand on his.
The camera's zoomed in on a polaroid of XANDER. We slowly
pull back to reveal another next to it, but this one is of
ANYA. As purple dust is sprinkled onto them --
DISTORTED VOICE (V.O)
Powers of light and dark I seek
your might. Do my bidding and
fulfill this transposition. Eyes
and heart, tongue and hand. Make
the change so he can comprehend...
(beat)
He will understand.
The photographs EXPLODE in PURPLE FLAMES. On this we...
BLACK OUT.
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
FADE IN.
10 INT. HARRIS RESIDENCE - BEDROOM - MORNING 10
The first sign of daylight bleeds through the closed
curtains. Xander begins to STIR as Anya finally awakes. She
doesn't look at him, just rolls out of bed. With a yawn and a
stretch, she heads out of the door as Xander takes a glimpse.
He pulls himself up and suddenly realizes something. He looks
down at himself and SCREAMS! Anya comes rushing back through.
ANYA
An, what's wron --
She stops, covering her mouth with her hands. Her eyes peer
down to see she is ANYA... which wouldn't be strange at all,
but...
XANDER
Xander, what the hell is going?
ANYA
(panicked)
This is a dream! I have to go back
to sleep!
She JUMPS in the bed but Xander pulls the covers back.
XANDER
Xander! This isn't a dream.
He hits her across the head.
ANYA
Ow!
XANDER
See!
Anya gets back up and paces the room, glancing at Xander
every so often.
ANYA
(horrified)
We've... swapped bodies.
XANDER
I know. You have breasts.
Anya looks down at herself and feels them.
ANYA
(giddy)
I have breasts!
XANDER
Stop touching me! Xander, I think
we should call Willow.
ANYA
No. I've gotta go to work.
Xander shoots her (him?) a look.
XANDER
Xander, you can't go to work. You
look like me!
ANYA
Oh yeah. No! Wait, I can't take the
day off. I'm supposed to be
negotiating a very important deal
with --
She JUMPS back, startled by something. She feels her stomach,
eyes wide.
ANYA (cont'd)
What was that?!
XANDER
What?
ANYA
I think... I think the baby kicked.
XANDER
It did?
(soppy)
Oh my God. Let me feel.
He quickly rushes to her and puts his hands on her stomach.
They stay like that for a while until Anya swats him away.
ANYA
Anya, we need to fix this! If I'm
not at that meeting, I'll lose the
job... and you won't get the pretty
things you like.
XANDER
Oh. Oh, that's not good. Okay, we
need a plan.
ANYA
Yes. A plan. Now, how can I fool
the boys at work into making them
think my fiance is now running the
show?
(realizing)
I've got it. You go.
XANDER
What now?
ANYA
You have to do it. You look like
me, the boss. You have to negotiate
the contract.
XANDER
No. Absolutely no way in hell am I
pretending to be you. I don't know
anything about construction!
ANYA
It's easy. I'll teach you. We
have...
She checks her watch.
ANYA (cont'd)
Okay, so we have less than an hour.
There's not much to it, really,
it's easy. Anyone can do it. All
you've gotta know is...
She stops speaking, seeing Xander pulling his pajama bottoms
wide and looking down at himself.
ANYA (cont'd)
Anya?
XANDER
Sorry! It's just... I've never had
one before.
(thinks)
Xander. Ever wondered what it's
like to have an orgasm as a woman?
ANYA
(huh?)
I don't...
XANDER
We could do it in less than an
hour.
ANYA
Anya! I can't believe you're
thinking about having sex with each
other! I mean, in each other's
bodies! I can't have sex with
myself!
XANDER
(deflated)
You're so boring lately.
ANYA
Right, this is the plan. You go to
work. Or, my work. And I'll go to
Willow, see what the hell happened
here and try to fix it.
(beat)
Okay?
XANDER
Fine.
He rolls his eyes and heads to the dresser, taking a seat and
beginning to put on some lipstick.
ANYA
(shouts)
Anya!
She points to the lipstick.
XANDER
What?
(realizing)
Oh, right. Sorry.
Anya shakes her head as Xander gets dressed.