buffy9x08
Script created with Final Draft by Final Draft, Inc.
[
bottom
]
TEASER
FADE IN:
1 INT. SUMMERS RESIDENCE - BEDROOM. MORNING. 1
It's a gorgeous sunny day outside, and as we sweep across
from the window to the door, we see a smart black tuxedo
hanging on it, still poly wrapped for extra freshness.
Continuing down to the bed, there is XANDER, fast asleep and
somewhere far, far away in dreamland.. ..
Until WILLOW sits down on the bed next to him, and gently
shakes him to wake him up. Xander stirs and opens his eyes -
then YELLS in alarm as he sees Willow.
WILLOW
(startled)
What? What's the matter?
XANDER
Huh? Wha? Oh... Oh, nothing, I was
just having this really crazy
dream, and then you were the first
thing I saw, and it was just...
Never mind.
WILLOW
Well, gee, Xander, good to know I'm
still scary than most people's
dreams!
Willow smirks and playfully hits Xander on the arm as he
pushes himself up in the bed. She hands him a coffee.
XANDER
It wasn't that, Will, just that I
was reliving the nightmare of last
time I tried to get married, and
when I saw you, I thought for a
horrible second it was all real
again... And please tell me that's
not the dress you're going to be
wearing?
Willow looks down at herself - and she's in a lavender
monstrosity of a bridesmaid dress, frills in all the wrong
places, the kind of outfit that'd put most wedding planners
into anaphylactic shock.
WILLOW
Hey, I know it's not exactly a step
up from the Green terror of a few
years ago, but still...
Willow looks herself over again, trying to find something
positive to point out.
WILLOW (cont'd)
Uh... it has better sleeves, look!
Xander grins and sips his coffee.
XANDER
Dress code aside, I'm just hoping
this wedding's going to improve on
my previous score of zero in the
success stakes. I don't think
either me or Anya could handle
another one of her ex-vengeance
gigs showing up to mess things up!
WILLOW
Now, Xander, you know better than
that. Things are all different now -
she's got the baby, for one thing,
so that's taken a lot of the fight
out of her 'cause she's too tired
to yell half the time, and besides,
Buffy's promised she's not going to
let anything get in the way!
Xander tries to look as convinced as Willow does as he sips
his drink again and looks over to the window.
XANDER
I wonder what she's up to now...
Staying here seemed to be the best
way to avoid any kind of jinx, or
curse, or hex, or whatever about
seeing her too soon, so I just hope
to God she hasn't levelled the
house by now!
As Willow pats Xander on the arm, we cut to:
2 INT. HARRIS RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM. MORNING. 2
MARIE walks down the stairs and into the front room of Xander
and Anya's place, yawning, still in her dressing gown. She
stops short when she sees something before her.
MARIE
Oh, my!
She's seen ANYA - fast asleep on the couch, but already in
her wedding dress!
Anya snorts and wakes up, sitting up stiffly - she's five
months pregnant by now and it's pretty noticeable.
ANYA
Oh, now, don't go acting all
surprised on me, I'm just being
extra extra careful this time.
MARIE
Anya, it's not even half past
eight, you're dressed already?
ANYA
Dressed? What about my hair and
makeup? I had to leave something
for you to do!
MARIE
(sarcastic)
Oh yes, lucky me.
ANYA
And besides, Willow should be here
soon, so the two of you can help me
run through my new vows. I'm
thinking of starting this time with
'I, Anya Jenkins, am not saying
another word until we're actually
married, so you, Xander Harris,
can't run out on me again.'
Anya smiles, and Marie manages a false smile back, before
glancing at the clock and hoping Willow shows up very soon.
ANYA (cont'd)
(sighs happily)
I feel good about today. I feel
like nothing on Earth can stop this
wedding!
MARIE
Now, Anya, you know that's bad lu-
ANYA
No! There will be no luck involved,
this is a luck-free scenario!
Xander and I are getting married,
and that's that!
As Marie goes to help Anya stand up, we cut to:
3 EXT. CLEVELAND - CITY STREET. MORNING. 3
A BUM sleeps on a bench in the street, with pigeons cooing as
they nibble at the leftovers of his leftovers, before a gust
of WIND kicks up, and the bum is jolted awake.
He sits up, bleary eyed, trying to find out where the wind is
coming from, before a scaly black HAND shoots into frame and
grabs him by the throat.
As the choking bum is lifted off the bench and into the air,
the hand's owner steps into view - this is GUSTAV, a mean
looking demon, reptilian features and long, dark dreadlocks
of hair.
Gustav brings the struggling bum closer, until their faces
are inches apart.
GUSTAV
(hisses)
Where is she?
BUM
Wh-wh-where is who?
GUSTAV
Anyanka. Where is she?
BUM
I-I don't-
With a disgruntled SNARL, Gustav throws the Bum away, and he
crashes to the floor several feet away. Gustav clenches his
fists as we push in on him.
GUSTAV
She is mine.
Off Gustav's determined look, we:
BLACK OUT:
END OF TEASER
ACT ONE
FADE IN:
4 INT. SUMMERS RESIDENCE. MORNING. 4
The front door opens and in strolls BUFFY, cut and bruised
after a hard night's patrolling. Looking completely
exhausted, she flops down on the sofa and closes her eyes.
She's been in for about two seconds, before:
WILLOW (O.S.)
There you are!
Buffy groans and opens one eye as Willow bustles into frame.
Buffy recoils at the sight of Willow's horrific bridesmaid's
dress.
BUFFY
Oh, God, don't say it...
WILLOW
(excited)
It's wedding day! C'mon, Buffy, we
have to get you ready!
BUFFY
Do I have to get ready? Can't I
just... Not? For an hour, anyway -
I've been out all night, Will, I'm
exhausted!
WILLOW
You can be tired later, right now,
we have work to do!
Willow grabs Buffy's arm and pulls her to her feet.
WILLOW (cont'd)
Alright, missy, march on up those
stairs and start making yourself
look all pretty and stuff, we've
got a long day ahead of us and I
don't plan on letting anybody get
an easy ride!
Willow starts to push Buffy towards the stairs.
BUFFY
And when did you turn all sergeant
major-y?
WILLOW
Huh? Oh, I'm just trying to stay
one step ahead of everything. Up
and at 'em!
With a final, defeated look, Buffy heads up stairs. We stay
with Willow for a moment as her smile fades.
WILLOW (cont'd)
(quietly)
Because I'm damn sure not letting
anything bad happen again...
As Willow walks off screen, we cut to:
5 INT. HARRIS RESIDENCE - BATHROOM - MORNING. 5
Marie exits the bathroom, freshly showered and with a towel
round her hair, bumping into Anya, who is holding a makeup
bag the size of a small country.
ANYA
Come on, Marie, busy busy! I have a
lot of things to do and not much
time to do them in, you should be
prepared to sacrifice your own
makeover time so I can look my
best!
Anya shuffles past her and into the bathroom, closing the
door behind her.
MARIE
(sarcastic again)
And we wouldn't want you to not
look your best, would we, your
Highness?
The phone RINGS and Marie steps over to a handset built into
the wall to answer it.
MARIE (cont'd)
Hello?
GILES
(filtered; through phone)
Marie? Just checking up. How is
everything?
MARIE
Oh, God, Rupert, why didn't anybody
warn me?
We cut from Marie to:
6 INT. GILES' APARTMENT - MORNING. 6
GILES is on his cordless phone, black trousers and white
shirt on but still unshaven. He grins.
GILES
You've known Anya for a while now,
Marie, I'd have thought you'd know
what to expect with her!
MARIE
(filtered; through phone)
Anya as a ghost, no problem. Anya
as a human again, also no problem.
Anya pregnant? Difficult, but
bearable. Anya as a pregnant bride
to-be on her wedding day? I'm
starting to wish I was back on
assignment in Madagascar again, at
least the thiersen demons we were
fighting out there let you spend
longer than thirty seconds in the
bathroom!
Giles chuckles and reaches across to the kitchen counter to
flick on the kettle.
GILES
I'm sure she'll calm down. You've
been briefed on what happened last
time Xander and Anya tried to tie
the knot, I presume?
MARIE
Shape-shifting demon coming back to
ruin the day for his own vendetta,
yes, sounds like I missed a real
riot.
GILES
Not just that, don't forget trying
to keep the bride and groom's
family from each other's throats
for the whole day! At least this
time we've got a church to
ourselves, the extra space should
allow us to keep the two factions
far enough apart...
There's a KNOCK at the door, and Giles starts to walk over.
GILES (cont'd)
There's someone here, I'd better
go. I'll check back in a little
later on, alright?
MARIE
Alright, Rupert. Bye.
Giles hangs up and opens the door - and there's MAX, looking
like he hasn't slept particularly well. A stern
look crosses Giles' face as he nods for the disgraced ex-
Watcher to enter.
GILES
Hello, Max. You'd better come in.
Max heads straight for the sofa, flopping down in one of the
chairs. Giles casts a disapproving look down at him.
GILES (cont'd)
I trust you understand why you're
here?
MAX
House arrest. Council orders.
(beat)
Your orders, to be precise.
GILES
I made a recommendation to the
Council and they approved it, Max,
even a Head Watcher has to make
some decisions by committee. Until
we can set a date for your tribunal
regarding your recent actions,
you're to stay here under my
supervision.
MAX
Giles, I got my Slayer killed and
brought a vengeful demon into town
that nearly finished off some of
your charges, I think we both know
what the penalty is going to be.
Giles starts to head for his bedroom.
GILES
Be that as it may, we've got a lot
of work to do, not just today, but
identifying a weakness for the
Caretaker before Buffy faces him
again, so I intend to put you to
good use for the time being.
MAX
So my immediate punishment is more
work? You're a hard task master,
Rupert.
Giles pauses in the doorway to his room.
GILES
Flippancy will get you nowhere,
Max.
Now, as you may have observed,
we've all got a wedding today to
attend to. That doesn't mean this
is a day off for you. When I finish
getting ready, there's a list of
books and references I want you to
start working your way through.
MAX
(sighs)
Yes, sir.
Giles steps into his room and closes the door.
Max looks around the apartment until his eyes fall on a pile
of dusty old books heaped up on the kitchen counter. Max
manages a bitter chuckle before we cut to:
7 INT. SUMMERS RESIDENCE - BEDROOM. MORNING. 7
Xander is in his shirt and trousers, and sits staring
resolutely at something off screen.
We pull back a little to see it's his old arch nemesis, the
cummerbund, draped over the back of a chair, taunting him to
try and struggle to put it on.
With a sigh, Xander stands, grabs the offending article and
prepares to attach it - just as Buffy barges into the room.
BUFFY
Willow, have you seen my- oh!
She smiles as she sees Xander.
BUFFY (cont'd)
Sorry, forgot you were here.
XANDER
Yeah, I get that a lot.
BUFFY
Need a hand with that?
XANDER
Admittedly, I haven't started my
battle of wits with it yet, but
yes, a hand or two would be nice.
I'm kind of stuck at the Chinese
martial arts psyche out stage of
our relationship.
Xander turns round as Buffy wraps the cummerbund round his
waist and starts to fasten it.
XANDER (cont'd)
Buffy?
BUFFY
Yeah?
XANDER
I've been putting a lot of thought
into making sure today runs more
smoothly than last time, and I just
wanted to check your opinion on a
few things.
BUFFY
Shoot.
XANDER
Well, first off, keeping my family
and Anya's relatives and friends in
separate locations until the last
possible second seems to be working
a whole lot better - Mom and Dad
have been noticeably quiet so far,
and I don't think my Uncle Rory's
managed to insult anybody's
heritage yet.
Xander turns as Buffy finishes the cummerbund, and she hands
him his bow tie.
BUFFY
So far, so good! I think the
relative distance between those two
groups is a key factor of success
today. How are things set up at the
church?
XANDER
Again, relative distance, no pun
intended. Bigger church, more space
in case things go ugly again, and
we have to rely on your juggling
routine.
BUFFY
Sounds very kiff.
XANDER
'Kiff'?
BUFFY
Oh, it's, uh, South African, means
'good' I picked it up from this
movie Andrew lent me.
XANDER
Speaking of Andrew, where is the
Renfield of our collective?
BUFFY
Andrew's on a very special duty
today. There wasn't anybody else I
could trust with it.
XANDER
What?
(gasps)
Oh no, you didn't give him the
ring, did you?
BUFFY
No, Giles has got that, don't
worry. No, Andrew's going to be the
chauffeur!
XANDER
(beat)
Can he drive?
BUFFY
Technically, yes, better than the
rest of us. But he's going to make
sure Anya gets here on time. That's
the only thing he has to do all
day. I don't think even Andrew
could screw up the drive from your
place to the church!
Xander throws Buffy a look - and she tries to avoid it,
knowing full well that there's nothing Andrew can't
potentially screw up.
BUFFY (cont'd)
Okay, okay, I just wanted him out
of the way, just in case. He's
doubling as getaway driver.
XANDER
That much confidence in me, huh?
BUFFY
(grins)
Just covering all the bases.
Buffy finishes his bow tie and steps back to admire her work.
BUFFY (cont'd)
Not bad! A few more runs at this
and I reckon you'll have getting
married down to a fine art.
XANDER
Har har. Where's Willow?
BUFFY
The lion's den.
Xander nods and grins.
XANDER
That's my girl.
As Buffy leaves Xander to finish getting ready, we cut to:
8 INT. HARRIS RESIDENCE - BEDROOM. MORNING. 8
Anya sits in a chair before a tall mirror as Marie fixes her
hair, curling deftly and adding to the flowing tressles of
blonde locks Anya is now sporting.
ANYA
You're very good, I think you
should give up on this Watcher
thing and become a stylist. My
stylist!
MARIE
I would if I could, dear, but 'm
afraid being a Watcher's kind of a
family tradition. I didn't get much
say in the matter.
ANYA
Sure you did! You could have just
said 'mother, father - I don't want
to be a Watcher. My beautiful
friend Anya needs somebody to make
sure she's always prettier than
everyone around her!'
MARIE
(raises eyebrow)
Subtlety's not really in your
vocabulary, is it?
ANYA
(shakes head)
No!
Anya looks down at her belly and rubs it tenderly.
ANYA (cont'd)
Do you have any kids?
MARIE
Me? Goodness, no. Don't have the
time for children. And my luck with
the opposite sex leaves a lot to be
desired - I attract two very
specific types of men.
They're either intelligent,
handsome types who are too
dignified to make a move on me, or
I attract rough and ready men who
know I'm a pushover and just have
some fun with me until they get
bored.
ANYA
You should play to your strengths.
Not everyone can be in love like
Xander and me, after all! It'd take
all the excitement out of things.
MARIE
Yes, quite...
Marie steps back to inspect her work - Anya's hair looks
perfect. As Marie nods, satisfied, we cut to:
9 INT. CATACOMB. MORNING. 9
CRUNCH! Blackness gives way to a fist-sized hole showing us
THE CARETAKER, the sewn-shut demon peering in on us through a
hole in what looks like a brick wall.
From the opposite angle, we can see that the Caretaker is
down in some kind of underground chamber, a flaming torch
jammed into the wall to give him some light as he scoops out
handfuls of dirt and mortar from the wall before him.
After a few beats, he's made a big enough hole to reach his
upper body through the hole, returning a moment later with a
large metal chest in his hands.
The Caretaker sets it down on the floor of the chamber, and
after a few tugs at the handle, finally WRENCHES the lid off
with one mighty heave.
Inside is a single book, which the Caretaker takes out and
lays on top of the chest, popping the seal on its leather
cover and starting to flick through it.
He stops on one section, and we push in on the illustrations
running alongside the arcane text.
It's of a jungle, and a very familiar wooden village on
stilts, and besides that, the three instantly recognisable
figures of Tattles, Taledraw and Trinkets - the Circle!
The Caretaker taps his finger on the illustration - and a
wicked grin crosses his face before we:
BLACK OUT:
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
FADE IN:
10 INT. POLICE STATION. DAY. 10
JACKSON holds his phone in his hand for a moment. He thinks,
then sighs and puts it back on the receiver.
He stares at the phone for a beat, before realising DAN is in
his office, peering at him with a raised eyebrow.
DAN
Let me guess. You're thinking real
hard about calling the Summers
chick, but you keep losing the
nerve at the last minute?
JACKSON
Not now.
Jackson has something in his hands - a small white card,
which he stops fidgeting with and holds up for another look.
It's an invite to Xander and Anya's wedding. A small note in
one corner reads 'You don't have to come, but you're welcome
if you want to - Buffy.'
Dan reaches over and snatches the invite out of Jackson's
hand. Jackson protests for a moment, but settles back down as
Dan reads the invite.
DAN
Cute. You gonna go?
JACKSON
Honestly? I don't know. I know she
said I was welcome and everything,
but...
DAN
But what? Come on, Jackson, you're
sounding like a bad soap opera
character!
JACKSON
This is a day for Buffy and her
friends. I don't think it's right
for me to show up and act all
happy.
DAN
Uh-huh. So you're just gonna avoid
it? Come on, man, this is a
lifeline, it's what you've been
looking for!
The two of you have been getting on
a little better lately, right?
JACKSON
I guess...
DAN
Exactly! So what's the problem with
going today?
JACKSON
Hey, if it was someone's birthday,
or even just a night out somewhere,
I'd be there. This... This is
different. Now's not the time.
Jackson stands and brushes past Dan on the way out, but his
partner jogs to keep up with him.
DAN
If not now, then when?
Jackson stops, and Dan stands alongside him.
DAN (cont'd)
This girl is crazy. Even worse,
she's affecting your police work.
I've got Edna down in Records on my
back because you keep missing
handing in your paperwork, the
Chief's always ragging on me
because you're never around when he
needs you - damn it, Jackson, will
you stop and listen to me?
Jackson pauses and turns to face Dan, clearly not wanting to
have this conversation. That doesn't stop Dan, who stands
defiantly before him.
JACKSON
What do you want me to say?
DAN
First, I want to know why people
shout at me on your behalf, because
frankly, it's getting kinda
annoying, and second, I want you to
go to this damn wedding and just
talk to Buffy, even if it's just to
wish everyone the best and yadda
yadda.
JACKSON
Look, Dan, I know you're trying to
help, but do me a favour and stay
out of it, okay?
He starts off again, but Dan keeps up.
DAN
I'm your voice of reason, pal.
Ignore me all you want, I'm not
going anywhere!
JACKSON
It's a little more complicated than
that.
DAN
How so?
JACKSON
Do you believe in destiny?
DAN
No. I'll tell you what I do believe
in, though.
JACKSON
Not that damn speech again... Look,
I liked 'Bull Durham' too, but that
speech just bugs me.
(looks at watch)
Anyway, I gotta book.
Jackson walks off.
DAN
(calling out)
Where are you going? Jackson turns
and grins at him.
JACKSON
I think I'm gonna need a tuxedo.
Dan looks pleased and gives Jackson a thumbs up as he leaves
the floor.
[
top
| next
]
Script created with Final Draft by Final Draft, Inc.