buffy9x13
Script created with Final Draft by Final Draft, Inc.
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TEASER
FADE IN:
1 INT. HOSPITAL - WARD. DAY. 1
We're looking down on the still-comatose form of ANDREW in
his bed, with a sleeping JODY curled up on a chair just
beside him. The magazines and books by Jody's feet suggest
he's been there a while.
A pair of nurses walk past, chatting quietly to each other,
pausing to check Andrew's chart and then carrying on, and as
they leave Jody finally wakes up.
He blinks, disorientated, then sees Andrew, and a heavy
weight falls on his heart once again. Jody sits up and
shuffles his chair closer to the bed, watching Andrew,
listening to his rhythmically slow breathing.
JODY
Hey there, hero. Guess I crashed
out here again, huh? Well, I don't
have much to go back to school for
tight now, so as long as you don't
mind me taking a potty break every
few hours, I'm still good over
here.
Jody smiles, as if imagining Andrew's response.
JODY (cont'd)
(checks watch)
Anyway, it's just coming up to nine
a.m. So I'm gonna go grab some
breakfast. If you feel like waking
up, try to hold it in until I get
back, okay?
Jody stands, reaching down to squeeze Andrew's hand. He
suddenly looks tremendously sad, and it's clear that his
attempts to stay in good spirits are only just keeping him
from turning into a nervous wreck.
He walks away from the bed, stretching his aching muscles as
he heads towards the doors at the far end of the ward.
We follow him for a moment, moving away from the bed.
ANDREW (O.S.)
Jody! Jody!!
Pulling suddenly back to the bed, and there's ANDREW,
standing next to himself!
He looks pretty panicked, and looks from his comatose body to
the departing Jody and back, as if any second now he'll wake
up and this will all be over. He rubs his hands against his
temples, trying to massage his brain into gear.
ANDREW (cont'd)
(flustered)
Um, okay, Andrew, think. You're
having an out of body experience
and you can still take in the
environment around you. Now, what
did Scully do in that 'X-Files'
where she got left in the hospital
in Season Two?
(beat; thinks)
Okay, minus the part where she was
pregnant in real life and needed
time off to have a baby...
(gasps)
What if I'm like John Cusack at the
end of 'Being John Malkovich'?
Doomed to spend the rest of my life
trapped in an unresponsive body,
unable to interact with the world
around me?
Andrew starts pacing around the bed, glancing down at his
body and trying to figure out what the heck to do next. He
stops, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.
ANDREW (cont'd)
Okay. Calm. Peaceful thoughts. A
new series of 'Enterprise.'
(smiles)
That's better. Now. Concentrate.
How can this have happened?
He strokes his chin thoughtfully as two more nurses walk by -
not seeing him, of course.
ANDREW (cont'd)
It's, um, likely that getting hurt
when there was so much magic flying
around is what's left me
disconnected like this, so the
solution is to find a way to talk
to Jody, see if he can tell the
others and let them figure a way
out of it! Right. Pen.
He looks round and spots a black pen on top of the small
bedside cabinet by the next bed along.
He reaches a hand out to it - but his hand passes straight
through it! Andrew tries again, but no luck. He holds his
hand back up and STARES hard at it.
ANDREW (cont'd)
Patrick Swayze, 'Ghost.' You can do
this, Andrew.
He tries again, very slowly - but still nothing. Andrew
slumps, defeated, and trudges back over to his bed.
ANDREW (cont'd)
Great. I'm a disembodied spirit.
I'm Doctor Strange on a permanent
astral projection! I'm-
VOICE (O.S.)
You're a long way from home,
Andrew.
Andrew freezes, his eyes bulging. He slowly turns round...
... And there, wearing his black and red Starfleet uniform
and smiling warmly across at Andrew, is CAPTAIN JEAN-LUC
PICARD, the 'Star Trek' hero, in the flesh.
Sort of.
ANDREW
Bu- wha- how- whe-
PICARD
I imagine you have many questions,
Andrew, but this really isn't the
place to discuss them.
ANDREW
You...
(beat; shakes head)
You're Captain Picard!
PICARD
(nods)
I am.
(beat)
Well, not exactly. Technically
speaking, I'm an avatar of your
subconscious mind.
ANDREW
(blinks)
Huh?
Picard steps forward, reaching out and putting an arm round
Andrew's shoulders, starting to walk him away from the bed as
he begins talking.
Andrew throws glances all around him, completely bewildered
by what's going on and trying to work out what to do next!
PICARD
Everyone has a subconscious,
Andrew, it's the little voice in
the back of your head that tells
you to go and try on those shoes,
or buy another candy bar, or not to
step into the road just yet. When
the active part of the brain shuts
down, for example, after a severe
head injury, the subconscious bran
takes over. I'm merely a mouthpiece
for your brain's inner workings to
try and communicate with you, my
appearance obviously being based on
the culture you've spent so much of
your life absorbing.
ANDREW
(blinks)
Huh?
Picard SIGHS - this is going to be a long day.
PICARD
Come, Andrew. We have a long trek
ahead of us, and we shouldn't waste
any time.
Picard pushes open one of the doors at the end of the ward -
but a bright WHITE LIGHT waits beyond, in place of the
hospital corridor.
With a last, anxious glance back at his comatose body, Andrew
cautiously steps forward, past Picard, and into the light,
and from that, we:
WHITE OUT:
END OF TEASER
ACT ONE
FADE IN:
2 INT. SUMMERS RESIDENCE - KITCHEN. MORNING. 2
BUFFY is standing at the kitchen counter, absently swirling
her spoon round inside a bowl of cereal. WILLOW enters, full
of the morning sunshine, but Buffy doesn't register her until
Willow taps her on the shoulder. Buffy jumps, startled out of
her daydream.
BUFFY
Willow, don't do that!
WILLOW
Sorry, you were looking all spaced
out, thought I'd better give you a
little nudge back towards Planet
Earth!
Buffy sighs, pushing her cereal to one side. Willow notices
her sad expression as Buffy picks up her bag from the kitchen
table and starts rooting through it.
WILLOW (cont'd)
Is everything okay?
BUFFY
Honestly? No. Something doesn't
feel right. I can't work out what
it is, and it's driving me crazy!
WILLOW
You're probably just worried about
Andrew. Xander and I are going to
go see him this afternoon, if
you're out of work early, we could-
BUFFY
No, it's not that. I mean, I am
worried about Andrew and I hope he
comes through this, but that's not
what's bothering me.
WILLOW
Okay, sort of hazarding a guess
here, but maybe it's because your
boss turned out to be an evil
battlin' super businessman,
complete with his own private army
and tanks and stuff? 'Cause I know
that'd sure send me a little loopy.
Buffy manages a smile as she heads out of the kitchen.
3 INT. SUMMERS RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM. CONTINUOUS. 3
Willow follows Buffy out as she goes for her coat.
BUFFY
It's not Kane, although I still
don't know what to make of all that
either. It's something about the
Caretaker, it's been bugging me
since he first showed up and I just
can't seem t work out what it is.
WILLOW
Well, that's one problem we don't
have to worry about anymore,
remember?
(smiles brightly)
Thanks to me!
BUFFY
(smiles back)
Yeah, I know, it's just... Never
mind.
Buffy opens the front door and checks her watch.
BUFFY (cont'd)
I've got to get to work, Will, call
me when you guys are going to the
hospital and I'll do my best to
join you, okay?
WILLOW
Will do. Have a good day!
BUFFY
(sarcastic)
Yeah, because it's that easy...
With a shared chuckle, Buffy leaves and Willow closes the
door behind her. From that, we cut to:
4 EXT. CEMETARY. DAY. 4
There is a FLASH of white light, forming a doorway of sorts
which Andrew and Picard step through - only now they're
dressed differently, both in smart suits and raincoats.
They're in a misty cemetary, thick with rain, and from
nowhere Picard produces an umbrella which he pops over their
heads.
ANDREW
(looking round)
Where are we?
PICARD
Somewhere inside your mind. There's
an awful lot we need to get
through, but I'm afraid part of the
deal is that we can only travel
through memories you already have.
Therefore, I'll be using scenes
from your collected experiences to
illustrate my points.
ANDREW
Uh, which is what? And why are we
in a cemetary?
Picard reaches into his jacket pocket and produces a small
leather wallet - he flips it open and holds it for Andrew to
read.
It's an FBI badge, with Picard's photograph. Andrew checks
his wallet and finds a similar wallet, his eyes lighting up
as he sees that for the time being he, too, is an FBI agent.
ANDREW (cont'd)
(excited)
We're in 'The X-Files'!
PICARD
So it would seem. I just needed
somewhere stable to start our
journey, and this environment in
particular is very familiar to you.
ANDREW
Yeah, this is the pilot episode, I
recognise it now. Over there's
where Mulder and Scully dig up the
grave and find the mutated
primate's body that later gets
stolen from the morgue, which then
gets burned down, but it's all part
of the wider conspiracy, and then
Mulder-
Picard lays a hand on Andrew's shoulder to stop him.
PICARD
That's not why we're here, Andrew.
Once we've gone over the ground
rules, we can be on our way. Are
you keeping up?
ANDREW
(nods)
Um, yes, Captain.
PICARD
(chuckles)
Please, just 'Jean-Luc' will be
fine. We're about to move on to the
next scene, so I wanted to make
sure you were feeling alright.
ANDREW
I'm fine, I think. Why?
PICARD
Think 'The Matrix.' While we're in
here, you're technically safe from
any harm, but if you start to
forget that you can easily cause
your physical body damage through
your experiences here. So be
careful at all times.
Andrew nods obediently. Picard smiles and steps back.
PICARD (cont'd)
Well then! Time to move on. There
are many things I need to show you,
but we'll need some better
transport. How about... Ah! I know
just the thing.
Picard SNAPS his fingers, and with a flash of white light,
we're taken across to:
5 INT. STARSHIP ENTERPRISE - BRIDGE. DAY. 5
Andrew and Picard flash onto the bridge of the proud
Federation flagship Enterprise, Andrew looking like he's died
and gone to several heavens at once as he looks round the
bridge he knows so well from years of dedicated TV.
Picard takes his place at the Captain's chair and motions for
Andrew to sit next to him, Andrew noticing at last he's in a
full Federation uniform as he slowly sits.
The bridge is fully staffed, but with unfamiliar faces -
Picard nods to a few of them as he settles down.
ANDREW
(overwhelmed)
Oh... My... Gosh...
PICARD
(to helmsman)
Set a course for our next
destination, Warp Seven.
HELMSMAN
Aye, Sir.
PICARD
Now, Andrew, before we get to where
we're going, there are a few things
I need you to know. First and most
important is-
ANDREW
(not listening)
This is incredible! I never knew I
could have dreams like this!
PICARD
Yes, that's the thing, you see-
ANDREW
(still miles away)
Hey, I wonder where else I could
go? If we're still in my memories,
then maybe...
Picard looks a little concerned as a grin creeps across
Andrew's face - he's clearly just thought of something that
Picard wanted to avoid.
PICARD
Andrew, be careful, don't-
But Picard is cut off, as the bridge suddenly SHAKES
violently, and the lights flicker and then black out.
6 EXT. THE MATRIX - PARK. DAY. 6
We SMASH CUT to see Andrew dressed in the full Neo ensemble -
long black coat and shades, his hair slicked back - standing
in the small park where Neo was taken to see the Oracle in
'Matrix Reloaded.'
A gate CLATTERS as it opens off screen, and Andrew whips
round to see GILES, dressed as Agent Smith, striding boldly
towards him. A trio of crows are disturbed and flap towards
us in slow motion, an exact recreation of the scene from the
movie itself.
Andrew GASPS and takes a step back, and we see Picard at
last, dressed in a plain suit and watching Andrew, shaking
his head. Andrew turns round and sees him, panicked.
ANDREW
Where are we?
PICARD
I've explained that already,
Andrew! We're in your mind, and as
such, you have to remain focused at
all times, or something like this
will happen.
Andrew looks back to the approaching Agent Smith - and as
Smith GRINS wickedly, three more Smiths step into the park
from the other entrances.
Andrew GULPS - he knows how this is going to go!
ANDREW
How do we get out of here?
PICARD
We've deviated from the course, so
you need to focus and relax, that's
the only way we can safely
continue.
As more Smiths walk into the park, surrounding Andrew, he
starts to hunch down, ready to run.
ANDREW
Um, I think staying calm might be,
uh, kinda tricky...
PICARD
I'm sure you can see what will
happen if we stay here! Just close
your eyes and concentrate, that
should be all we need to get out of
here.
Andrew, breathing quickly, closes his eyes and tries to calm
down. As the first wave of Agent Smiths starts to race
towards him, Andrew clenches his fists - but as the nearest
Smith LEAPS towards him, fist raised, the scene is consumed
by WHITE LIGHT again, and we cut to:
7 INT. THUGGEE TEMPLE. DAY. 7
We're whisked across to the barbaric interior of the Thuggee
temple, last seen in the Indiana Jones movie 'Temple Of
Doom.'
Andrew is dressed as Short Round, wearing ill-fitting clothes
with a cap stuffed onto his head, while XANDER, playing the
role of Indiana Jones, stands before him, stripped to the
waist and daubed with blood on his temples.
The temple around Andrew is filled with the CHANTS of the
crowded slaves and worshippers, and Andrew looks down to see
he has a torch in his hands.
He throws a glance round to see Picard, dressed in Thuggee
priest robes, watching him carefully.
Andrew looks back to Indy, who reaches out to grab him, and
Andrew WHIMPERS as Indy pulls him close, murder in his eyes -
but then Indy WINKS and lets Andrew go, and Andrew blinks as
he tries to understand what's going on.
Indy turns, and with a YELL attacks the nearest priest,
getting busy with the heroic action as Picard steps closer to
Andrew.
ANDREW
(confused)
Uh... Sorry, what am I meant to be
doing here?
PICARD
Just observing. And, hopefully,
understanding.
Andrew looks blank, and Picard nods and pats him on the
shoulder.
PICARD (cont'd)
I never said this would be easy.
That's not the way the human mind
works, I'm afraid - we have to earn
our answers. Come, we've seen
enough here.
ANDREW
But, uh, what about Indy? Doesn't
he need our help?
PICARD
Andrew, he isn't real, remember?
He's just a means to an end, a way
to illustrate my point. Follow me,
if you would.
Andrew nods, slowly, not really getting it, and as Picard
walks away, Andrew casts a last glance towards Indy - who is
hard at work fighting his way to freedom - before
disappearing round a corner in the rocky temple interior.
8 INT. GILES' APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM. DAY. 8
Giles, thankfully no longer playing the part of Agent Smith,
sits in his front room sipping a mug of tea and reading the
newspaper.
He looks up as the door opens and MARIE steps inside. She
doesn't see him at first and tries to close the door as
quietly as possible.
As it shuts with a barely audible CLICK, Marie turns round -
and JUMPS as she sees Giles at last.
MARIE
Oh, Rupert! You scared me half to
death and back!
GILES
(bemused)
I'm sorry, I was just reading my
paper. Are you alright? I was
expecting you and Max round late
last night, I was starting to get
worried.
MARIE
(remembers)
Oh, the online discussion with the
Council members! I'm sorry, Rupert,
I got so caught up in things last
night, I just plain forgot.
GILES
(suspicious)
'Things'?
Marie bites her lip, then starts to walk into the kitchen,
breezily changing the subject.
MARIE
Oh, this and that. Er, is the
kettle boiled? I could use a cup of
tea to help wake me up.
Giles is definitely suspicious now, and he stands as Marie
walks back in, an empty cup in her hand.
MARIE (cont'd)
Am I alright to use this?
GILES
Yes, of course. Marie, where were
you last night?
MARIE
(guilty)
Um, I was... Well, you see, the
thing is, Max had asked me out for
a drink after I left you earlier in
the day, you know, you were going
to go home and get some things
ready for the webchat, I wanted to
freshen up, and, well...
Marie trails off, and Giles falls silent as well. This is
certainly not something he wanted to hear.
GILES
So you spent the evening with Max,
I assume?
MARIE
Well... yes.
Giles calmly puts his mug down and stares at her for a few
moments, then nods once and heads for his room.
Marie silently curses as he turns away, knowing she's done
something she shouldn't, and she follows him.
MARIE (cont'd)
We just got to talking, Rupert, you
know how it is, he's got so many
stories to tell, and-
GILES
(interrupts)
I'm sure he has.
(stern)
Marie, I hope you're aware of the
consequences of what you're doing.
Max is still under our custody
until the Council set a date for
his hearing, we can't be seen to be
fraternising that closely with him!
It could jeapordise the case
against him, and also have severe
repercussions for you!
MARIE
Rupert, we just spent a few hours
together, and I ended up going back
to my hotel room instead of here, I
don't think I've-
GILES
And where is Max now?
MARIE
(sheepish)
He's, ah, well, at least, when I
left him, he was... Still in my
hotel room.
GILES
(beat)
I see.
Giles steps into his room and closes the door without another
word.
We stay with Marie as she sags, knowing she's done wrong,
before we cut to:
9 INT. GILES' APARTMENT - BEDROOM. DAY. 9
Giles stands by the door, a thousand different emotions
playing across his face as he tries to process what he's just
heard.
After a few moments, he sits down heavily on the bed, looking
several years older all of a sudden. He SIGHS and closes his
eyes for a moment.
GILES
(quietly)
Damn...
And from his heartbroken look, we:
BLACK OUT:
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
FADE IN:
10 INT. LOG CABIN. NIGHT. 10
Andrew is alone inside a small, eerie cabin out in the middle
of the woods. A storm wind blowing outside rattles the
windows in their shutters, howling like the cry of a hungry
animal.
Andrew looks pretty nervous, glancing round for Picard, but
the Captain is nowhere to be seen.
A BANGING on the roof makes Andrew look up, but as hideous
SHRIEKS and WAILS assault the cabin from all sides, he panics
and breaks for the door.
He throws the door open - and YELLS in horror as a ZOMBIE
appears before him! It's ANYA, looking hideous in full
Deadite guise.
Andrew SLAMS the door closed again before she can get inside,
but Anya scoots round to one of the half-shuttered windows,
SMASHING her hand through the glass and reaching in, trying
to get to Andrew.
ANDREW
(hyperventilating)
I'm in 'Evil Dead 2'!
(closes eyes; deep breath)
Think, Andrew, how did Ash get out
of this...
Andrew's eyes flick open as he remembers the movie - and lo
and behold, mounted on the wall above the fireplace is a
shotgun!
Andrew dashes over and grabs it, aiming it unsteadily at Anya
as she SMASHES another section of the window, her guttural
growling getting more frantic as she begins to push her way
into the cabin.
ANDREW (cont'd)
(shouts)
Yo, she-bitch!
Anya pauses, looking up at him with a confused grunt.
ANDREW (cont'd)
(cooly)
Let's go.
Andrew starts to SQUEEZE the trigger - but as he does, we
SMASH CUT to:
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Script created with Final Draft by Final Draft, Inc.